Emergency measures

I could have explained before now that the hens live in trees. It's lucky they don't lay eggs up there. There'd be a royal mess round the garden. Anyway it's a natural habitat and this lot were born to it.

Since the snow is 2 feet deep around Geronimo's conifer home, he's been playing Let's Go Camping in the beech hedge near the front door. Coaxing him out of there took half an hour the other day when it was still blizzarding. Eventually he was able to get down to the food and water, and actually used my emergency shelter for a day or two. Then today he was back up in the beech, and after expending much of his energy and thinking power (limited, it has to be said - hens aren't renowned for the size of their brains) and a load of chuckling and chortling, he got to a place I could actually reach in and grab him and plonk him on the path to feed. That beak may look fearsome but he's a pussycat in disguise. Really never minds being picked up. Unlike a certain real pussycat I could mention. He almost said Thank You. I know this because he just chortled again and started eating.   

 

anti-blizzard shelter par excellence

His little tribe has been sheltering each daytime around the corner under a convenient window, which made feeding them ridiculously easy. Once I'd tracked them down, that is.  Since 3 out of 4 house exits are severely snowed up, it was a long trek round the garden but needs must, to give them water. Tonight they're all perched in the beech hedge by the front door next to His Lordship. They opened sleepy eyes when I arrived home after an epic and successful trip to The Shops. Took an hour to dig out the car, a block 2 yards by 2 yards by 18" deep between car and a bit of track to the gate already cleared by neighbour. 

only half an hour to go - why only 6" on top and 18" on ground? Not fair.

It's done my back no good whatsoever. But I will sleep with a clear conscience. I spent a bloody fortune on birdfood and got four packs of lard to do the special bird treat I do every winter, at least twice a week. 

Recipe:

• roasting fat congealed in the bottom of the roasting tin, grill pan, whatever (there's none available just now hence my buying lard)
• cheapest porridge oats (not rolled oats - they're too rubbery)
• if you've got them, sultanas or raisins, preferably out of date  - these are optional and are best mashed up or cut up in a blender first. Same could be said for any stale unsalted nuts you might have at the back of the cupboard.
• stale catfood leftovers from you-know-who  -  this too is optional
• some sort of suet, even if it means using 'suet treats' which are expensive and happen to be Geronimo's favourite food
• hot water
• low to medium heat on hob throughout.

Heat the fat and pour in the porridge, stirring until it absorbs the fat completely. 
Adjust amounts to get flakes nicely covered. Throw in sultanas and smelly catfood and stir into mess. 
Add suet and melt it down while stirring.
Scrape up bits which have fallen out of pan while stirring too enthusiastically.  Add to pan.
Add hot water and stir all into one big mass of gloop. (This is the magical chemical reaction of hot water and suet.)
Spoon gloop into suitable receptacles like empty coconut shells (previously filled with commercial gloop), plastic chinese takeaway cartons etc. Squash in and tamp down.
Leave to cool and set. 
It might sound a bit involved but only takes five minutes. Honest. (Basically if you have only fat, oats and hot water it will still work. I did that for years before discovering the wonders of suet.)

Hang up shells where birds are sitting waiting, singing silly songs and telling jokes to keep themselves amused.
Empty cartons out and break into pebbles size for hens, pheasants, blackbirds, chaffinches, robins, magpies etc. Sounds wrong but I've noticed robins do not like trying to hang on by their claws.

Count to twenty by which time most of the pebble crumbs will have disappeared.  The shells take a little longer, being besieged by bluetits et al with teeny beaks.

Altogether a better day and more exercise than I've had in months.