My beautiful keyboard is in 138 faffing pieces

OK I spilt the brandy on it. 
I was about to scribble the day's events in the diary.

And after mopping up, this :

Late evgff /-:: my left hjand part óf keyboard is gffoingffto gffet really sticky whjen it dries. Mopped up as best I could. May have to take keys off and wash them tomorrow. The important thing is to draw pictures for where the odd ones go back. Just spilt my brandy and crabbie’s on ít.

Whjjat’;;;s going on ? why is keyboard spelling out weird words ? and an o and i with acute accents? now why has it stopped spelling out weird words ? and acute accents.

Whhjjeny hjjad curry on Sat evgff at L’;;s and hjjad (hjjere we gffo agfain)

Whjy hjjas thjis brandy travelled up to thjje middle of thje keyboard ? I’;;m beingff very careful about typingff accuracy, and look at it.  Whjjat a mess.

Did best chjicken soup for dinner-/ onions, gffarlic, tiny button mushjrooms, diced chjickedn and stock from boilingffhjj thjje carcass for about 1½ hjjours.

It’;;s rainingff like mad. Waterfall all day today, runofff ffrom the hill down my gfffarden cliff, and gfffoingff to be bigffffer tomorrow.

oyeyoropeteyue  

  

Last bit was My keyboard is fucked.     

I gave up.

I was very tired. I'd had more than one brandy and crabbie's. It had been a long day. So, what to do? Was only able to get it shut down for the night, with an optimist's hope of restarting via password next morning, by first changing access password to numbers, since RH number-pad of keyboard seemed to be only bit still OK. To do that had to re–enter old password, by mouse copy & paste from a 'secure' doc (cos I forget website passwords and stuff) (and by this time I've managed to materialise another brandy and crabbie's in front of me to cope with the stress and the brain seizures).  And to get into the secure doc, had to type its password letters one by one, watching each jump into three characters, backspacing to eliminate the assumed unwanted ones, repeating this letter by letter until password had right number of asterisks in the box and cross your fingers.  Anyone hacking me by copying keystrokes would have had a whale of a time. 

What a fuffing faff.

Then next morning I took it to bits. Mother was fascinated, and not a little impressed. She's used to me doing stuff like this. Every key, every black screw, every anodised screw, the rubbery layer within, the bendy circuit board, the metal board, the 8 easy-access-to-whatever-you-want buttons, everything except the little hardwired circuit board and the battery fittings. (It's my beautiful wireless keyboard.)

I washed and dried every key, every layer (wiping plastic bendy circuit layer carefully and drying in warm air near radiator) and screwed it ever so carefully back together, with fresh batteries.  And it doesn’t work.  At all. (Someone at HP is banging their head on the desk and moaning “I have my health.... I have my health....”) 

Am using an old keyboard usually kept under the stairs.  Which I tried to use straight after the spillage, but pc wouldn’t recognise it cos needed to be rebooted (and I didn't realise that's all it wanted, to be recognised) and I couldn’t risk needing password ………. (etc etc etc) 
Just in case it happens to you. 

And guess what. I could have just deleted the whole password access thing completely, and had no password at all. But would have still needed to put in the old password. Am going to vanish up my own backside in a minute.  Somebody give me a drink.